I never learned to swear.  I know all the curse words.  But I do not think to use them.

The inability to be profane hasn’t been so hobbling as the many other deficiencies that plague me, so incorporating foul language into conversation has never been a priority.  It’s just not that important.

Empathy, however, is very important.  And it seems to help if you talk in a vocabulary that resonates with your confidant.  At least that’s what I always tell my clients.

So I was speaking with a friend who uses the expletives.  She disclosed some truly terrible treatment the ex-husband had inflicted upon her son and herself.

Feeling her outrage and pain, I exclaimed, “What an ass!”

“Bastard,” she informed me. “Bastard is the correct word.”

Guess I blew that one.  In my zeal to appropriate a sympathetic patois, I understated the man’s vile behavior.  From now on, I wouldn’t fake any mastery of the coarser oaths.  Better I should stick with my natural additive-free dialect.

By the way, if you suffer from a G-rated tongue like me, help is available.  Check out the Urban Dictionary for all of your unruly idiom needs.  Definition and usage included!

© 2013 Jaclyn Schrier. All rights reserved.

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