Good Neighbors

I try to be a good neighbor.

I walk dogs.
I water plants.
I collect mail.
I mind my business.

But I am a person who makes sounds.
From time to time, neighbors have complained.

About the volume of my laughter.
(Misanthropes.)

And the vigor of my live music performances.
(Philistines.)

And truth be told, on one occasion, the intensity of my sexual pleasure.
(Puritans.)

But these days, my life is really quiet.

There is no laughter.
There is no music.
There is no sex.

Last month, my apartment was so still that my neighbor Estelle thought I was dead.

So this morning, I was very surprised to find a note on my door.
Complaining about the sound.
Of my toilet.
Flushing.

See, I go to the bathroom every ten minutes.

I really wish I didn’t.
It is terribly inconvenient.

But if I don’t go I feel so uncomfortable that I can’t do anything else.
There is a lot of flushing.

It’s been a hard day.
I know I’m bothering my neighbors, but I just can’t help it.

Unfortunately, I can’t seem to help my good manners either.
Now, every time I flush, I shout at the top of my lungs, “SORRY!”

Somehow, I don’t think this is helping with the noise problem.
Anyone know a good plumber?

© 2013 Jaclyn Schrier. All rights reserved.

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