As you may know, I am a rabid recycler. Even before it was fashionable, I was a fanatic.
Maybe you have seen my home-based sorting center. It rivals in scope many a big city waste management operation.
Heaven forbid these renewables should rot — or worse, not rot — in their final resting place when reincarnation to a second — or third — useful life awaits!
Alas, the Palo Alto curbside collection program does not meet my exacting standards. So, when I happen to be in the neighborhood, I drop my convertible waste by the Stanford recycling center. Such was the case this afternoon.
Feeling virtuous as I pitched my papers and plastics to their respective receptacles, I froze suddenly upon realizing I had deposited my magazines into the mixed paper bin. Horrors!
In an instant, I found myself standing at the bottom of said dumpster. The very bottom. Besides me and my outdated New Yorkers, it was completely empty.
Somehow my body had taken flight. I really don’t know how this could happen. I can hardly hobble these days, much less hop. But there I was and out I wanted.
Standing on tippy toes I could see, just barely, beyond my prison cell. There were no workers, recyclers, or scavengers in sight to throw me a rope. Not that I would know what to do with a rope, anyway.
I would just need to vault. But there was no pole. My crutches were in the car. There was no cushion. Only the hard pavement. It’s OK, I told myself. Just do it. On the count of three… One… Two… Three… The moment came and went and I remained still like a statue.
Aha, I thought! A better plan! All I need to do is…
1. A Salamba Sirsasana headstand
2. Hinge my legs over the side
3. Pull myself to a vertical sit-up
4. Grab the top of the dumpster wall
5. Lift myself to be seated on the edge
6. Gently lower myself to the ground
So simple! Why didn’t I think of it in before? Why? I’ll tell you why. Because the days of my pretzel yoga party tricks are long past. The only asana I can manage lately is Savasana, more commonly known as the corpse pose. That’s why.
In a desperate situation, dignity is the first thing to go. Imagine the sight and sound of a puppy climbing out of a box. Whimper. Claw. Flop. Slide. Yelp.
© 2014 Jaclyn Schrier. All rights reserved.